Take 5 minutes and a deep breath, considering new ways to handle the new year (or skip to the end to listen to Suzanne's calming voice reading for you). Wishing you the best new year possible.
1. Take time to honour the past
See the beginning of this year as an opportunity to pause and honour the previous year – or years – whatever they have brought you. Whether you have grown or gained, learned or lost, it’s important to acknowledge the impact of the past and understand where the challenges have left you.
Ask yourself: what has been particularly hard? What has brought you joy? What has helped you to cope? Have there been recurring situations or emotions you may want to set down this year? What is shouting at you that needs attention? And what are you proud of yourself for? How have you been compassionate and kind this year? When did you belly laugh and feel alive? What might you need to leave back in last year? What hope might you gift yourself for this year? What do you need?
2. Create new habits, not resolutions
How about reframing resolutions as a way of sharing hope and belief in change and happiness, rather than approaching them from a position of “I’m not good enough” or a reflection of our perceived weaknesses? The all-or-nothing, clean slate approach is in stark contrast to the habitual behaviours that we repeat because they are comfortable, familiar, and safe.
Resolutions feel different to our day-to-day habits. Habits are created by thoughts and memories which generate neural pathways in our brains. Research shows the benefits of exercises like gratitude to reroute our neural pathways to more positive ones, but if we’re going to overwrite our habits or shift direction in ways that feel unusual, we need more than an intention. We need to know why we consciously want to make that change, and what core beliefs we hold about ourselves and our ability to follow through.
3. Taking stock
Recognise what you already have. See the beauty in yourself. Look at the curve of your fingers; appreciate the feet that move you, the eyes that see; the arms that hold your child and their health and their hope.
Pause the drive of feeling inadequate. No one has a clue what it’s like to have to tread the path you’re walking. Celebrate your strengths. The load you carry. The breadth of your shoulders. The force of your love.
Pause the compulsion to change yourself to something else before you appreciate what you already are. What this experience has given you to own - your relentless strength and will to protect your child despite the deep exhaustion that leaves you on your knees; the judgement, the guilt, the grief that life isn’t as you’d hoped. You deserve kindness and compassion, not a to-do list that overlooks all you are in place of all you apparently *should* be.
4. Time to go back to basics
Do you take care of your basic physical and emotional needs? When did you consistently drink more water than coffee? When was the last time you had a full night’s sleep? Recognising your needs and sitting with that acknowledgment is a win. Remember, you can approach change on your terms, timescale and speed. You don’t have to do anything but get through each day, hour or moment.
5. A time for connection
There's a lot of research to support the idea that when we develop strong social connections, it has a positive impact on the levels of stress and anxiety we experience. The sociologist Émile Durkheim created the term “collective effervescence” to describe the uplift in our mood and the joy we feel when the mundane is done together. Parenting Mental Health (PMH) and the subgroups are a testament to the collective joy we feel when we go through experiences together - even those as challenging as having a child with a mental health issue. If you’re not a part of our community, please join us on our Facebook group.
