TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM, OVERDOSE
I’ve been aware of mental health problems really since my brother was diagnosed with bipolar nearly 40 years ago. Sadly, he died 20 years ago, having been in and out of hospital for 18 yrs.
With our own children we’ve been on the mental ill health journey for the past 9 years. Our middle child was the first to outwardly show signs of struggling with her mental health, we sought help from A&E on CAMHS, which was fairly ineffectual for her. Our eldest child struggles with his mental health but was more covert and he has never really been one for dealing with problems head on; he still struggles to this day, aged 26 years old.
Our youngest child suffered with poor mental health from the age of 13 years old, self harms, taken overdoses, depression, anxiety, CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and recently diagnosed with Bipolar. She has spent 15 months as an inpatient on both general admission units and low secure units within the mental health sector as well as general wards. She has received a lot of input from CAMHS and CITT (Community intensive therapy team) trying different therapies, however she failed to truly engage with them. Over 4 years down the line, she engaged with a psychologist, who has been a true turning point in our daughter’s life - and works with her weekly to this day.
"There’s a lot of sympathy out there but not so much empathy and understanding."
As a parent you feel you’ve let your children down, you feel lonely, you feel nobody can understand what you are going through because they’ve not experienced similar things themselves. There’s a lot of sympathy out there but not so much empathy and understanding.
Having children with significant mental health problems has a huge impact not only on their lives but family and friends lives too - I had to give up work, which was the right thing to do in our situation and luckily I was able, however it has isolated me further. Your ideas for their future change - sometimes helping them survive minute by minute is all you can manage.
Whilst watching the news one day, in January 2022 we saw Suzanne Alderson talking about Parenting Mental Health and it instantly struck a chord. There were people out there going through similar things to us, maybe at different stages but there was a community out there. Whilst she was still on air I searched for the PMH Facebook group and haven’t looked back since.
I read lots of posts which resonated with me, sought advice and also gave advice to others, or maybe just a kind word with virtual hugs attached. I joined a Listening Circle, during a difficult time but close to the discharge of our daughter; the support I received from the ladies in the group was incredible.
I have also attended Chat and Connect sessions; either when I felt the need to chat or when I felt in a position that I may be able to help other people too. I started the Partnering not Parenting course in July; unfortunately, due to circumstances, I’ve not been able to complete this yet, however we are regularly reminded that we are never behind and there is always time to work through the course-I’ve definitely connected with other people on the course and there is mutual support and advice as well as learning how to look after myself, enabling to be better prepared to walk alongside our daughter.
Since September, I have volunteered as a moderator for the Facebook group, giving something back, helping others and also giving my life a sense of purpose. I wished I’d found PMH years ago and maybe we wouldn’t have gone through what we have gone through alone and maybe our experiences would’ve been different.
I shout out about PMH and how much it has helped me support our daughter and ourselves through this really painful, lonely journey. I shall continue to raise awareness and funds for such a great charity and I wish I’d found you far sooner. Thank you
